I meet other families all the time who are experiencing or have experienced infertility. I empathize. I also understand that there is a vast difference in every persons individual experience. My husband and I lived the same experience but felt completely different through the entire journey.
It’s been awhile, but I still remember my personal feelings while we “tried” unsuccessfully for a baby. For me it felt like we were waiting every month. At the end of the month there was a deep feeling of sadness and loss when I knew we were not expecting. When it was determined that we wouldn’t be having any babies naturally I experienced so many emotions. I felt relief that we could not go on a plan our life because we had felt like we were in a state of waiting. There was a sense of grief then closure. We made decisions that were not in line with family life and moved on. When we learned we were expecting a baby (six years into our marriage) it rocked our world. We were not ready, not expecting it and so happy all at the same time. We felt blessed!
I found out I was expecting less than a year into our organic journey. I don’t think this is a coincidence. My first reaction was to head to my normal doctor, who referred me to the medical group OBGYN. Pregnancy brought up a whole new list of “medical” questions. I am not sure I was aware there were any other options besides giving birth with a doctor at a hospital.
When I was a few months into the pregnancy through another “coincidental” meeting I heard about midwives. I learned that there was a Christian midwife with her own practice very close to our home. Determined to be open minded about my health and that of my baby I set up an appointment. I was blown away by the amount of information I was given. I went home from that meeting not only really liking the midwife, but feeling empowered about delivering my first baby at the birthing center. (http://cascadebirthcenter.com/)
This change was for me anther step toward taking responsibly for my health and the health of my baby. We went to birth classes at a local church and I quickly learned that I was the only Mama there planning to deliver with a midwife and without medication. Not putting things in my body without understanding the full impact had become just as important to me as putting in real good food. At this time most of the people in my life were very skeptical of my new approach to health. I didn’t feel at all supported in my decision to deliver with a midwife outside of the hospital by anyone except our farmer family friends and my dear husband. The fact that I was pregnant gave me courage to do what I thought was best for me and the baby despite the lack of support from most of our friends and family.
(Thankfully!) My pregnancy was completely normal. The birth of my first baby was peaceful and perfect in October of 2002. It was one of the most meaningful days of my life. My mother came to be with me and my husband during delivery. Today, I get teary eyed as I write this remembering how sweet it was to share something so deeply personal with the woman who did the same for me. We were not close, but now that she is gone I look daily at the picture of her holding my first baby and I feel blessed to have shared this amazing moment with her.
After baby arrived learning about holistic health and organic food took on a new level of importance. Everything I learned I felt helped me to be a more equipped mother. After all, I was now not only responsible for my own health but the health of this cute little blessing. Every Mother hopes their baby will grow up healthy and strong and I was no different. My mission as Mama to provide good food for my family continues today. This is my most basic attempt to nourish my family and give them what they need to be well. While we don’t eat a perfect diet all of the time we are intentional about the big picture of our food and health. We organic food most of the time and have seen an amazing difference in the health of our children because of it.